Is A Lap Dance Cheating?

I’ve been feeling that the blog has been a bit vanilla lately so I decided to put out a question that has been on my mind the past little while. This is only because a friend recently had his bachelor party and I was told that all the guys going received a firm lecture from the women in their lives beforehand. Oh ya and also, I was at the Brass Rail Tavern on Sunday and a friend bought me a lap dance. We were in a group and they thought it would be cute. I’m a good sport, so I went along with it. Pretty girl, great dancer. And learning what her rules were “You can touch everything but (fill in blank)” as well as viewing the dances that were going on around me, I’d have to say, yes. It kinda is cheating. It all depends on your comfort level I suppose. I personally would not be comfortable if my boyfriend or husband paid some beautiful girl to dance up on his lap while he was allowed to touch everything but (fill in blank). I think it would be kinda cool if a couple went in together. But as far as I am concerned, go to the strip club, look alllll you want. But if you’re coming home to me, please refrain from private dances in dark rooms where you are allowed to touch at all. Thoughts?



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  • Picard102

    You might as well not let him go at all. There really isn’t much enjoyment to be had at strip clubs sans lap dances, unless you enjoy paying too much for booze.

    Never been in a strip club though where they let you touch the dancers anywhere near cheating territory, though they are more relaxed with what other women can touch and not touch.

  • jacquie

    Point 1/having been to many a club (and having been both with bf, with the gals, and as the host of a bachelor party) I can assure you that for enough money you can def. touch even that bit for the right price …well, most of the time, I’m sure there are exceptions. If you don’t trust your bf to NOT shell out that extra $100 to do something really dirty, why are you with him in the first place?

    Point 2/I don’t think it’s cheating. there’s a big difference between putting your hand on the thigh of another woman and entering a relationship with another woman (or man but you know what I mean). (that said commenter above I think is more accurate – generally men aren’t allowed to touch the stripper unless they’re dropping loads of cash, women get easier rules). Getting a lap dance is no more cheating than checking out the girl on the street in the really short shorts. Just because you pay for it doesn’t make it any different. It IS different if you have some kind of sexual relation with the stripper but in the same vein, that’s no different than having a sexual encounter with someone you didn’t pay.

    My point being, looking at and thinking about and maybe even touching (in the general stripper-accepted way) someone else IS NOT CHEATING. Having physical contact of a sexual nature IS…and I guess what level is acceptable to you is what needs to be determined. I don’t think touching the thigh of the stripper is that big a deal really, so to me that wouldn’t be cheating. If you expect your bf to be held to the standard that even looking is cheating or getting a lap dance with perhaps some light touching is cheating, you might be asking too much. Looking and thinking and flirting and getting lap dances are normal and healthy parts of normal and healthy relationships. Screwing the stripper in the VIP room, not so much.

    I guess it really depends on what cheating is defined as in your relationship, and i think more than anything defining what cheating is exactly is more productive than lecturing your bf NOT to go to the strippers and what NOT to do while there.

    Because relationships are based on trust. Not rules.

  • Scott

    A) it’s definitely possible to go to a strip club, enjoy yourself, and not get a lap dance

    B) My opinion is that lap dances are for single guys and for bachelor parties. If you’re in a relationship and youre not out for your bachelor party, then getting a dance is just being a dick. 

    C) Even if it is your bachelor party, there should still be limits. We all know what they are. 

    D) Going as a couple is great fun. Why not share a non-vanilla, outrageous, exciting and daring night out together? No better way to stay happy together than to do things you can laugh about and share later. Make memories together! 

  • Picard102

    I think calling strip clubs a non-vanilla night out is a little bit of an exaggeration. It’s about as vanilla as you get.

    As for the morality of it, how do you reconcile the use of porn? It’s in the same ballpark, perhaps even more moraly grey for some people.

  • Jason Fonceca

    “I guess it really depends on what cheating is defined as in your relationship…Because relationships are based on trust. Not rules.”

    Amen Jacquie, amen. That is absolutely perfect.

    Just to expand:

    Relationships are organic, fluid, evolving things, and so are people. What was once considered cheating in one year or era, might be considered otherwise as time goes on. ‘Cheating’ is a label two people can use to define their own boundaries and their own relationship.

    Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have recently very publicly demonstrated what appears to be a healthy relationship where they’re both okay with Angelina’s bisexuality, experimentation and experiences with women. It hasn’t ruined their partnership, and as time has gone on, Brad’s acceptance of Angelina’s somewhat non-traditional behaviour seems to have resulted in them staying together beautifully, without outward signs of fighting, and now, recently…

    **It’s said that Angelina, despite much rumours to the contrary, chose to give up women (and other intimate relationships besides Brad), as soon as she fell for him.

    Was it cheating, or would it have been cheating, for her to be intimate with other women during any point of their relationship?

    Like Jacquie said, it’s totally a decision made by, and agreed upon, by two people co-creating their relationship :)


    **Note: There are so many rumours about celebs that it’s nearly impossible to know the real deal about them, without talking to them personally.

  • Hope

    Around here, there’s no touching allowed. So I think I’d be ok with it. But in an area where touching is allowed? I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that.

  • Roof

    I have to get my wife to read this- Thanks

  • Guest

    I think its cheating because a. the guy wants the girl who is not his significant other to do something very sexual to him. b. she is most likely naked and c. because he gets a physical / sexual satisfaction from it (regardless of touching and regardless of whether or not he gets off). Walking in as part of a boys night out is fine, as long as he doesn’t pay for anything other than alcohol. In my opinion.

  • LK

    I have to say that I disagree with the blanket statement that lap dances are a normal, healthy part of all relationships. Everyone has their own standards and boundaries and if you are happy with lap dances, fine. However, it is definitely ok to think it’s not ok for your other half to pay for someone else to grind on them naked, try to arouse them, put their nipples in their mouth etc. Personally, I would not be happy if I came home to find my husband in our living room with a woman in his lap doing these things, and I see absolutely no difference in a strip club. I think we live in a society where people (more often than not women) are expected to be ok with their partners doing these things, but many are often uneasy about them or turn a blind eye to what they really involve because they feel under pressure not to be a killjoy. All I’m saying is that more than one opinion on this subject is definitely ok, people should not be put under any pressure to say they feel ok for their partner paying for sexual contact with someone else if they don’t (and let’s not kid ourselves, it is sexual contact) and that its not an intrinsic, inevitable part of a healthy, loving relationship.